For years I’ve been praying with similar words every time I attend Mass: “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you.” The familiarity caused me to take the words for granted.
With the new English translation of the Roman Missal, I have come to be more aware, more present during Mass, if only to avoid automatically reverting to the old familiar words.
This prayer of trust and humility, with its different wording and the three decades of life experiences since the time I first said it, has cut me down anew, in ways I have not experienced before. I am no longer that little girl receiving her first communion, whose worst sin was getting into a fight with her classmates. I have grown up, become jaded, rebelled against God, lost my temper countless times, disrespected her parents, thought evil thoughts, did evil things, who basically sullied her soul so much that it truly wasn’t worthy of God her Creator, Lord, and Savior, who badly needs her soul to be healed.
I am so unworthy Lord, that only by your grace that I am able to choose to ignore all these feelings of unworthiness and receive you, because I need You. Desperately. I grasp at your body and blood, my lifeline and escape from total destruction.